when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
