end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
