Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
