I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
