How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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