Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i will never coherently bang her
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
