Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
