sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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