He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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