I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
