The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize