drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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