I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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