Got a toothbrush?
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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