her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
