Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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