woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Mom said you looked used
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
