: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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