I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
