Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
