we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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