oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
