I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
