A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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