he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
