So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My feet surprised me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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