Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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