My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
