Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
