i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
