Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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