The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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