Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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