i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
