ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
