Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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