she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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