Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
