i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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