and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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