OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
