I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
