Duck Duck Cougar?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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