Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
