i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
