I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
