Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
