R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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