Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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