from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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