Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
