dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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