Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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