someone owes me an orgasm
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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