im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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