I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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