She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
