i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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