I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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