were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
