Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
