have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize