I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
