I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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