i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
