So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she looked like the before picture.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
