i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
