i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
