Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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